the un-hacked guide to air travel with kids
Real talk from a not-so-travel-y mom who’s done it anyway.
Let me start by saying: we are not a “traveling family.” And yet… we’ve found ourselves in a plane over the Atlantic and crossing the Mason Dixon line a total of three time so far with our under two year old. Before our first transatlantic adventure, we did what any reasonable, mildly anxious parents would do: we ran a domestic test flight. Four hours to Austin when our oldest was 10 months old. I’d just stopped breastfeeding which I distinctly remember because our bag was packed with enough formula that Costco was impressed (we used about a third of it, of course) but that’s not really important to this story. Rounding out our trips, we’ve done approximately 88 weekend drives to grandparents, friends, and random overnights around New England in the last 2.5 years. So while I might not be a globetrotting mom-blogger, I do know a thing or two about surviving travel with little ones.
If you’re like me, the anxiety about packing enough binkies is masked only by the shadow of my looming social-anxiety. But despite my anxiety, it was actually the kindness of the strangers I was stressing about that got me through my first flight. Leading up to the flight I kept preparing myself for all of the worst case scenarios; crying, running the isles, kicking on the seats, and then what ever my toddler might do! I envisioned dramatic eye-rolls, annoyed sighs, maybe even a pointed comment or two. I would practice my big-girl mama-bear voice and envisioned myself getting all high and mighty, “oh yeah, like you were never a baby? I bet you cried like a little …”. But I never got my chance to retort, since I was only ever shown grace and compassion. On our first flight, I introduced myself with my well-rehearsed and apologetic introduction to ease the tension; “Sorry, you’re stuck sitting with the baby on this flight” Their response? “Oh I’m sure it will be fine, not much can bother us, and my wife is a preschool teacher so we’ve seen it all... You’re doing great.” Cue me, silently sobbing into the diaper bag under the guise of looking for a binky. It was one of the first moments that reminded me that yes, flying with kids is tough—but people have their own headphones, and most of them are rooting for you.
At this point in my parenting-and-traveling career, I’ve learned that packing is less about bringing what’s “essential” and more about bringing what will keep everyone just functional enough to survive the journey. Yes, you’ll obviously pack diapers, wipes, snacks, and roughly 47 changes of clothes “just in case.” But after a few trips and a few meltdowns (not necessarily limited to the toddlers here), I’ve narrowed it down to a few clutch items I never leave home without—things that have truly earned their place in the overstuffed diaper bag hall of fame.
A hands-free baby carrier. Hip sling, front pack, whatever works. I cannot tell you how many meltdowns have been neutralized by simply holding my kid close—whether they’re 3 months or 3 years old.
A “new” toy. This could be something they haven’t seen in a while (hidden at the bottom of the toy bin), or something brand new. Novelty = interest = a few minutes of peace.
Whatever makes you feel sane. Even if you don’t end up using it. I used to worry people would judge me for overpacking, but guess what? Nobody cares. And the truth is, bringing too much early on actually helped me learn what I really needed. Anxiety management is part of the packing strategy.
Now, I can tell you all this because I have a love-hate relationship with mom-hacks. Mostly, they love to convince me I just need to do this one secret trick and I hate how it never works. I bought into the TikTok travel hacks like everyone else. Turns out, no snackle box will solve your toddler’s hyperactivity and turn them into a calm, focused traveler. It will, however, give you 14 compartments’ worth of crushed Cheerios on your lap, and a still hyperactive toddler. And the “tape on the window” idea? Cute in theory, and ideally would help her fine motor skills. But after sticking 29 pieces of painter’s tape around the seat, guess which one of us ended up peeling them all off and guess which one of us still had poor fine motor skills? Maybe you’ll have better luck with tape and trends, but the best advice I can give?… Trust what already works for your kid at home. If something works for your kid at home, it might work on a plane. But chances are, that the new mom-hack you saw for the 4th time on Reels is not going to magically turn them into a 40 year old Delta-Elite preferred traveling member on their first flight.
Figuring out what to do with our stroller and car seat was one of the most confusing parts of flying with a little one. I remember scrolling through so many posts, articles, and videos—and everyone seemed to have a different “must-do” strategy. Some people checked everything at the ticket counter, others swore by wheeling the car seat through the airport and using it on the plane, and a few even mentioned being turned away at the gate when trying to bring it onboard. There were also tips about packing extra baby gear into the car seat bag since it’s a free checked item. It was a lot.
For us, we use our stroller all the time and didn’t want to lug the car seat around, so the choice became clear: we’d bring the stroller through the airport and check the car seat. We packed the car seat in a protective bag (yes, stuffed with extra kids’ clothes), checked it at the counter, and rolled the travel stroller through the airport. Most airlines allow you to gate-check a stroller for free, which made that part simple—we used it right up to boarding and picked it up again at the gate when we landed. And because we weren’t arriving somewhere with a spare car seat, it was helpful to have our own waiting for us on the other side. The right answer is whatever fits your family, your gear, and your comfort level. It doesn’t have to be fancy—it just has to work for you.
START HERE:
1. Will you need your car seat at your destination?
Yes → Go to Question 2
No → Skip to Question 5
2. Does your child have their own airplane seat?
Yes → Consider bringing the car seat on board (go to Question 3)
No → You'll need to check the car seat (go to Question 4)
3. Do you want to use the car seat on the plane?
Yes → Bring it onboard and install it (must be FAA-approved and fit the seat)- Go to Question 5
No → You'll need to check the car seat (go to Question 4)
4. Would you rather check the car seat at the counter or gate?
Ticket Counter → Check it early to simplify boarding (go to question 5)
Gate → Reduces handling and gives flexibility in case you change your mind (tip: stuff it with baby gear)- Go to question 5
Use car seat in airport with a wheeled cart? → Bring a car seat cart or adapter and use it in place of a stroller, then gate check it before boarding (go to question 5)
5. Do you regularly use a stroller for your child?
Yes → Go to Question 6
No → Consider using a baby carrier instead and skip the stroller entirely
6. Do you want the stroller with you in the airport?
Yes → Gate check your stroller for free; it's available right when you deplane (go to question 7)
No → Check it at the ticket counter (frees up your hands through security)- Go to question 7
7. Do you own a travel stroller?
Yes → Consider bringing it onboard if it fits in the overhead bin
No → Gate check your usual stroller—we’ve seen everything from umbrella strollers to full double joggers make it through security!
Traveling with kids is hard. It’s uncomfortable, chaotic, and usually involves someone peeing at an inconvenient time. But it’s doable. And more importantly: it’s not the part of the trip you’ll remember years from now. So pack too much if it helps. Cry into the diaper bag if you need to. Let your partner take the tantrums and you take the suitcase. Do whatever gets you through.
Because that’s all any of us are really doing.
